tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32346830151243928982024-03-18T23:51:39.307-04:00My Daddy S̷t̷a̷y̷s̷ Stayed HomeI̶'̶m̶ ̶a̶ ̶r̶e̶c̶e̶n̶t̶ I was a stay-at-home dad. Sarcasm is my crutch and cynicism my wheelchair.
Lunchroom Larfs are cute/silly notes I put in my daughter's lunch everyday. Each night I write a disturbing caption to make them palatable to cynical adults such as myself. Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.comBlogger407125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-63783024283097277442015-10-30T20:01:00.000-04:002016-08-22T20:01:33.692-04:00 Lunchroom Larfs- October 30, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Three days later a cat and a dog got in there and messed up the skeleton's rib cage something awful. From that point on he just plugged up his eye and nose holes and carried a Tetra fish around. Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-18107836648432380562015-10-29T19:59:00.000-04:002016-08-22T19:59:27.202-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 29, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaBAU9eysmV5k-1dSR6oUlwqZGhLELvQFXQniIXF-B24wG_VE8OD8IxQ5zHPXdEC0tl97NIwBtdiHteGcAYATZqukUOYg_nUtG0i0bsZVXt2BI39zrTgsCAQgTClIIKqFE_E3j9cDKOL4/s1600/10-29-15+F.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaBAU9eysmV5k-1dSR6oUlwqZGhLELvQFXQniIXF-B24wG_VE8OD8IxQ5zHPXdEC0tl97NIwBtdiHteGcAYATZqukUOYg_nUtG0i0bsZVXt2BI39zrTgsCAQgTClIIKqFE_E3j9cDKOL4/s640/10-29-15+F.jpeg" width="432" /></a></div>
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The pumpkin skull joined the countless skulls of acorn squash, butternut squash, spaghetti squash and zucchinis in the towering pile in Amber's backyard. Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-45575985372634937622015-10-28T19:54:00.000-04:002016-08-22T19:54:11.437-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 28, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiphokIzMykaLfX-UICg8oe89jVM7s5gSdzefX8s43jGLnbehuZ-yRQO0kQZVW1zq7sJcY2OCNnCHUdaT5BchPYMfwQK_RpQSKqfBXU8TYVHDbWiK7EJuqaHhzUZELpB3oh8XEP4TasT3s/s1600/10-28-15+F.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiphokIzMykaLfX-UICg8oe89jVM7s5gSdzefX8s43jGLnbehuZ-yRQO0kQZVW1zq7sJcY2OCNnCHUdaT5BchPYMfwQK_RpQSKqfBXU8TYVHDbWiK7EJuqaHhzUZELpB3oh8XEP4TasT3s/s640/10-28-15+F.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Eventually Nigel realized a lunch bag was a much more efficient way to carry his lunch to work. Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-15305901695360837402015-10-27T19:50:00.000-04:002016-08-22T19:51:06.150-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 27, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Worse than the high water bill due to this performance was the cost of royalties to the estate of Arthur Freed for singing the lyrics. Oh, and the structural water damage to ceiling downstairs.Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-27790354578254154022015-10-26T19:47:00.000-04:002016-08-22T19:47:17.510-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 26, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As a child the cake's mother used to lecture him about finishing his plate. As an adult he will eat one shoe for it's fiber, but he'll be damned if he's gonna eat two of those disgusting things. Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-47876177593199149992015-10-23T19:32:00.000-04:002016-08-22T19:37:37.833-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 23, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Much like when Superman turned back time, in the movie Superman: The Movie, time was reversed by this act back the point in World War II, where Harry S. Trueman throws his bow tie at Hitler vanquishing him to the Phantom Zone. Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-8016371876435076152015-10-21T19:23:00.000-04:002016-08-22T19:23:22.934-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 21, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Growing up without parents was hard for little Medusa. She was withdrawn and didn't make many friends, but everyone no one debated when she would win the best landscaping for her beautiful front yard year after year. Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-57686801200989548822015-10-20T19:19:00.000-04:002016-08-22T19:19:47.807-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 20, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Even worse than losing all his skin that plunger never came off Edwin's skull. All the other kids called him "the skinless shit head". Though at Halloween when the school toilet was plugged up and the great decoration famine plagued the Midwest Edwin was considered a hero for many reasons. Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-46030583826672431302015-10-16T19:51:00.000-04:002016-08-22T19:14:57.724-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 16, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Ironically, the sausages were underdone and gave the diners worms... that the birds ate.Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-36352908061148168072015-10-15T19:14:00.000-04:002016-08-22T19:14:43.453-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 15, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Thankfully no one else bothered to attend a hoedown during the say, so Katie quickly put up a poster for Boys II Men and never spoke of Silvia again. Oddly, no one else did either. Everyone hated Silvia.Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-18606600356302102392015-10-14T19:49:00.000-04:002016-08-11T19:50:07.447-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 14, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The fish then attracted the cats, who attracted the wolf cubs, which attracted the grizzly bear which was attracted to the girl. After a few months they moved into a den together and raised their own cubs. The girls friends said she gave up what was sure to be a successful career in dance to be a Mamma Bear. Others said she wasn't that great of a dancer anyway. Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-27382204987229237782015-10-13T19:44:00.000-04:002016-08-11T19:45:19.422-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 13, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It went pretty well, until the cat needed to use the litter box. And even that wasn't the rough part, it was when the cat tried to bury it's scat. John didn't get the adoring looks he desperately longed for that day, only an infection and stitches on his forehead. </div>
<br />Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-14726655320059683192015-10-09T19:34:00.000-04:002016-08-11T19:35:02.870-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 9, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Jimmy was always falling into holes. The next time he fell into working well, but the water snakes were too slippery to tie together. After eating as many as he could, he was saved 15 minutes after falling in. Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-3524514391882670972015-10-08T19:28:00.000-04:002016-08-11T19:31:02.303-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 8, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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When Agnes went to the ocean the sperm whales did the same thing due to her perfume made of ambergris. <br />
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<br />Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-81190595339490369362015-10-07T19:25:00.001-04:002016-08-11T19:52:15.831-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 7, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW3bUppqJyiT423C4eOwi5hjQnlaLQf4ndK91oOoBWw1ScUrJblWKMD-BzYhwtljoh67C5EkQPL9GE9yPUtMCs4Kc69T1GnlHFE2EM8kRQkp6FN7ur7UOiS6rCSTBIvMpss3PFoG4G3QY/s1600/10-07-15+f.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW3bUppqJyiT423C4eOwi5hjQnlaLQf4ndK91oOoBWw1ScUrJblWKMD-BzYhwtljoh67C5EkQPL9GE9yPUtMCs4Kc69T1GnlHFE2EM8kRQkp6FN7ur7UOiS6rCSTBIvMpss3PFoG4G3QY/s640/10-07-15+f.jpeg" width="428" /></a></div>
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You don't want to know what these dogs did when they found out about Alamo attacker Santa Anna's leg at the <a href="http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/18808" target="_blank">Illinois State Military Museum</a>Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-77530702493262255682015-10-05T19:17:00.000-04:002016-08-11T19:18:49.402-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 5, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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That's right, when it rains those puddles you step in are thousands of little dead raindrops. YOU MONSTER!<br />
<br />Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-9068265694579067322015-10-02T19:13:00.000-04:002016-08-11T19:17:17.510-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 2, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMgaoETQPx4sNvcnlZx8FF_1SNG3kr_M1NlaDx3QuyQoPcugX26cw31qO_Vg6qaArQBD5SNhV1DRI2D-_2nLo7lSW-xMx8SqFbCHWa5OqOXT_0J6BMfymTC9xFApXXC5B1hPwjkgaW914/s1600/10-02-15+F.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="418" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMgaoETQPx4sNvcnlZx8FF_1SNG3kr_M1NlaDx3QuyQoPcugX26cw31qO_Vg6qaArQBD5SNhV1DRI2D-_2nLo7lSW-xMx8SqFbCHWa5OqOXT_0J6BMfymTC9xFApXXC5B1hPwjkgaW914/s640/10-02-15+F.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Later glass was filled up with mescalin. He then killed a prostitute after hallucinating she was a bendy straw. Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-58067682635395566552015-10-01T19:13:00.000-04:002016-08-11T19:13:49.391-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- October 1, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSgEff4jLZ8CXr3JqkfKID-3rD93wZI2fqADZj0TTC0z-YDpYhZVv-SaAxAonEgCtvjzzf46d9y_iSDPblA4z91cxYpBjTRM20iYQjrNp_Y49OP-0L9qYY3VvrIkzIM7UhwUX_5pgukVk/s1600/10-01-15+F+1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSgEff4jLZ8CXr3JqkfKID-3rD93wZI2fqADZj0TTC0z-YDpYhZVv-SaAxAonEgCtvjzzf46d9y_iSDPblA4z91cxYpBjTRM20iYQjrNp_Y49OP-0L9qYY3VvrIkzIM7UhwUX_5pgukVk/s640/10-01-15+F+1.jpeg" width="432" /></a></div>
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The man was just lucky he put the ghost on the way way he did. Had that ghost been backwards, the baby's mess would have just come out the mouth hole. And that would have been bad for everyone.Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-24941223536772917542015-09-30T18:55:00.000-04:002016-08-11T19:10:23.736-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- September 30, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Ketchup and Apple Sauce grew old together in the back of the fridge until after fooling around with Salsa, Ketchup gave apple sauce a case of the crusts on her lid. Though they stayed in the same fridge and made the best of it, Chutney had it worst as she had to listen day after day as each one bitterly complained about the other. Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-76266242764836282622015-09-28T18:55:00.000-04:002016-08-11T19:06:09.598-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- September 28, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGhxjDU6x53MmF8dWn-m3ZJ9MdlcjzFScMOoWb_p0DXl6e90MgTkrammwNBpCpfHxs4qYfedHQBQ7trV3xWNg0nwXVD8ZYy7KFJ0Hk08rzgRHv43CDE87FXTyUm8xMFnaQdoaCGbkfUes/s1600/09-28-15+F.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGhxjDU6x53MmF8dWn-m3ZJ9MdlcjzFScMOoWb_p0DXl6e90MgTkrammwNBpCpfHxs4qYfedHQBQ7trV3xWNg0nwXVD8ZYy7KFJ0Hk08rzgRHv43CDE87FXTyUm8xMFnaQdoaCGbkfUes/s640/09-28-15+F.jpeg" width="434" /></a></div>
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The fire alarm was a braggart and took ever opportunity to show up Telephone. Then in 1984 poor rotary phone was deemed obsolete and sold for a nickle at a yard sale. Fire alarm soon missed old rotary phone when brash young touch tone showed up with his musical ring, and ability to clunkily play popular music of the day.Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-38479126705167279442015-09-25T18:55:00.000-04:002016-08-11T18:56:04.372-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- September 25, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The cashier would have none of it, until the bear ate the racoon, pointed at the cashier and growled, "You're next, asshat"</div>
<br />Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-10049506161790970482015-09-24T18:49:00.000-04:002016-08-11T18:50:19.449-04:00Lunchroom Larfs- September 24, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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From that day on William Tell's son refused to eat or even be in the same room as fresh produce. The irony is that once the convolutions and fever set in he begged his father to put him out of his misery caused by the scurvy.Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-90930245008548459982015-09-23T22:49:00.000-04:002016-01-21T22:50:00.973-05:00Lunchroom Larfs- September 23, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Benjamin then shoved his hands deep into his pockets and sadly walked to his work as a piano instructor. That's right, he house trained pianos and kept them from jumping up on visitors. Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-91783072380111869082015-09-22T22:45:00.000-04:002016-01-21T22:45:58.551-05:00Lunchroom Larfs- September 22, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj551Xh7sLCBqhOHKThCYffwGEwfXATureXPTpRo_BDHAhWKK0BxuzXOLqphkRjfDlO77IcuXZ-Dm8pDoRwr2qrgmm2KxDUXjF1HeqK9GjXyLBERVWlBdb8MVJfT8QBiy9p6peRgMrJVfw/s1600/09-22-15+F.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj551Xh7sLCBqhOHKThCYffwGEwfXATureXPTpRo_BDHAhWKK0BxuzXOLqphkRjfDlO77IcuXZ-Dm8pDoRwr2qrgmm2KxDUXjF1HeqK9GjXyLBERVWlBdb8MVJfT8QBiy9p6peRgMrJVfw/s640/09-22-15+F.jpeg" width="425" /></a></div>
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Their baby ice cube was later picked up by Child Services and adopted by an elderly Italian couple who accidentally made him into a Hazelnut Italian soda.Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234683015124392898.post-50665179557961254962015-09-21T22:41:00.000-04:002016-01-21T22:46:34.699-05:00Lunchroom Larfs- September 21, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The captain realized at that moment his cousin from the planet Bidet was not kidding around abut his visit to Earth years ago.<br />
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<br />Jason Gemmillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13469968778001080833noreply@blogger.com0