Monday, November 12, 2012

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This... Pressboard

It arrived! Our savior of sleep, the answer to all our nighttime problems. As mentioned in a previous post we ordered a bunk-bed. We decided for once not to buy our furniture in a place where you have to make your way through a maze feeling as though you may have to fight a minotaur in order to get a Bj√∂rnloka Ruta.  From the game walk-through: “remember to power up using meatball specials before reaching the center of the maze”. Incidentally, the “√∂” in that product name is identical to the expression on your face when you’ve lost the damned allen key.

Always have a friend help you with your "censored sign" when naked in public
Like a new pet ensure a comfortable sleeping area for your new furniture

When faced with squares and rectangles go directly to the store and run a phone line to the parking lot, tangle yourself up in the cord and hope a car drags you off to your death.

The bed arrived Friday and was put together that morning. Obviously I did not assemble it, or the bed would be half finished, upside down or on fire with a pile of empty Heineken  bottles scattered around it.

The bed held so many promises for us. It would help the children sleep better, free up our bed, free up space in the kids room and cut through a tin can and still slice through a ripe tomato like butter.

The bed looks great, let me give you a tour:

This is the ladder. It is where children theorize that climbing up the ladder feet first will not result in a brain injury.

This is the top bunk or the “squared circle” where at 3:00 a.m. I blindly climb the ladder to comfort my eldest daughter and then am kicked about the groin for the next three hours without any escape.

Here is the bottom bunk, or "echo chamber", where at 2:58 a.m. the baby awakens and reminds the eldest that she hasn’t kicked my groin yet this evening. My wife then comes to comfort her, completely ignoring my groin as usual.

So in summation, the bunk-bed holds two children and two adults comfortably while our old Queen sized bed holds one cat quite comfortably.

Smug Bastard

1 comment:

  1. As a once proud owner of bunk beds... Geesh! I coulda told ya that! When we first got them, it took me 30 minutes to change the sheets on the top bunk! 30 MINUTES!!!! To me, a bunk is a place to go hide when a kid gets into your bed. sweet dreams.