Friday, January 31, 2014
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Miss Boots is busily knitting a sack to drown her kittens in. She hasn't been thinking straight since she caught Mister Meowgi in the litter box with his secretary, Ms. Jinx. Noodles, Attila, Pansy, and Fluffernutter would be a small price to pay to clearly show how hurt and angry she was.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Monday, January 27, 2014
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
It didn't matter that the ring wouldn't go on the webbed finger. The marriage was annulled weeks later due to the groom never having been baptized. He later committed suicide by jumping down the throat of a patron at french restaurant. That patron got salmonella.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
At that moment Bill deeply regretted the privacy hedge he planted and nurtured for a decade as it would surely muffle his blood soaked screams for help. Also his neighbor is a dick who constantly plays Macklemore so loud he would never hear Bill anyway.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Unsurprisingly, like all the jocks I knew in high school, these dinosaurs have walnut sized brains, as is their testicles due to all the steroids. I cannot comment on high school jock testicles as I never showered after gym for fear of towel snapping and nuclear wedgies.
"He who wears the 'Weird Al' t-shirt at school should avoid locker rooms."
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
On one hand they could go to the police to report the torture and slow death of their friend over the past few weeks. After all they knew who the culprit was, but the uncomfortable question as to why they had waited so long to call would inevitably be raised. Truth is they didn't like Frank and thought it was pretty funny.
Monday, January 13, 2014
The price of celebrity for Waldo was huge. "I bet this sort of thing never happens to that bitch Carmen Sandiego." he thought, "Perhaps it would have been better had I used stayed home collecting disability benefits for my leg after that lathe accident rather than getting into show biz."
Friday, January 10, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
The only reason the porcupine is invited to the party is to act as an hors d'oeuvre tray. The only reason any of the other animals come to the party is because of the excellent food Crab serves. The food is the only thing that makes the crab's rambling endless stories of visiting Egypt bearable. I mean for Christ sake, it was six years ago now. I guess since the divorce and losing the kids he has so little to talk about.
My daughter put this much more plainly. The porcupine is the armadillo's servant and goes with him everywhere.