Lunchroom Larfs- December 19, 2013

Like anyone else after a long day at work, the reindeer were tired. Also, Santa wanted to get really drunk, and he is aware that driving a sleigh drunk is dangerous.

Lunchroom Larfs- December 18, 2013

My daughter explained that this one was just a couple of characters without a calendar who messed up the dates.

Lunchroom Larfs- December 17, 2013

My daughter told me that she pushed that reindeer off the roof. She does enjoy venison pepperettes.

Lunchroom Larfs- December 16, 2013

Gulliver's wife didn't mind not being able to go to the salon, but she did feel bad about squishing the pedicurist over the hangnail she received after her visit.

Lunchroom Larfs- December 13, 2013

Blitzen was always a total asshole and tried to knock Rudolph out of top spot. He tried, but failed to get the song "Blitzen The Battery Powered Reindeer" recorded in time for the holiday season.

Lunchroom Larfs- December 12, 2013

Santa knew that he was being tricked, but felt so bad about how ugly the interior decorating and art was in the house he gave the little girl some extra trinkets to try and make her feel better about her parents allotment in life.

Lunchroom Larfs- December 11, 2013

Thanks to the Bernoulli Effect both animals were sucked under the train. Once again the cosmos laugh at our futile attempts.

Lunchroom Larfs- December 10, 2013

"Some Christmas tree farm," the family thought, "It took forever to find one tree. Why are there so many people here?" Then they brutally axe murdered the little tree, while the little girls laughed and laughed repeating how nice his corpse would look in their dining room.

Lunchroom Larfs- December 9, 2013

"Finally," the giant squid thought as she entered the glasses shop, "they have glasses in my size." Unfortunately the only pair that would fit was on display, "Goddam it, now I have to look like a hipster? What will my conservative brother-in-law think?"

Lunchroom Larfs- December 6, 2013

For some reason my daughter saw the toaster as being evil and excited to kill this piece of bread. Perhaps it's the imposing way I ignored all perspective in angles and relative size of objects that makes the toaster so imposing.

Lunchroom Larfs- December 5, 2013

My daughter called the talking worm "fancy". I thought this bragging worm finally met something he could relate to. An asshole.

Lunchroom Larfs- December 4, 2013

The judges went ahead and awarded the hammerhead/great white surfing duo the ISA World Championship though it was heavily contested as they ate the reigning champion before he was able to complete his ride.

Lunchroom Larfs- December 3, 2013

Come spring, all that is left is a pile of undigested children skeletons.

Lunchroom Larfs- December 2, 2013

It's a cliched plot line, boy and girl wander off to the woods outside a small town to make out only to be violently murdered by nature. Some locals callously claim they had it coming because they were in an interracial relationship.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 29, 2013

This is the moment where the young boy still has an interest in nature and science. Seconds from now he will realize those suckers will pop if you catch the sun just right through the magnifying glass. He then winds down a long path to being bludgeoned to death in the jail washroom as the infamous Jefferey Dahmer.

I asked my daughter what this one was about. She said the boy was looking for those responsible for stealing his toys. The ants are running because they are guilty.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 28, 2013

My wife asked why I drew Spock eating a sandwich. Obviously we can all agree that it's Howard Cosell depicted here.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 27, 2013

Unfortunately for the monkey, that was not his tail.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 26, 2013

The snowman thinks he is safe. The woman however runs to the cutlery drawer and pulls out an icepick. She later enjoys a watermelon daiquiri under the then satisfied and smug sun.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 25, 2013

My daughter says the unicorn is rolling her eyes and thinking, "Why aren't these shoes on my feet?"

Seconds later the unicorn gores the gnome and trots him through Gnome Town as a warning to all the others not to fuck with a unicorn.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 22, 2013

This one's a bit sad. My daughter tells me that the starfish is sad because he wants to have friends. Originally I thought he wanted to be a star in the sky but I think she is right. His only friend is the clam who is dreadfully tedious, "I'll show my parents, they didn't believe in me. I'll show them. I can too produce a pearl!" He never does though. After his rant he just gets drunk and watches old episodes of Family Guy on Netflix. The starfish then thinks about joining Lavalife. 

Lunchroom Larfs- November 21, 2013

This is the fruit version of "The Lottery". You can see some grapes are relieved that they were not picked, while others are angry or saddened by the lose of a comrade. A few will live to be wrinkled old raisins, while others will be lost under the couch.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 20, 2013

Originally I had planned to have the city in the background engulfed in flames, but that seemed a little too much for a group of grade one students. What you can't see is that behind the hamster is the squashed corpse of a man, that will forever be run over again and again until hardly recognizable as human.

Also, if you look closely in the pet shop window a cat and normal sized hamster are pumping their fist in victory. All domesticated pets want us dead.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 19, 2013

The worst part? Three of this goose's cousins got caught in the propeller just after this scene. There were no survivors. Somewhere Sully Sullenberger did a jig of joy when he got the news. It turns out Sully has always hated geese and had purposely aimed flight 1549 on January 15, 2009 at the flock of geese before landing in the Hudson, presumably to ensure the geese died by downing them. Now where is your hero?

Lunchroom Larfs- November 18, 2013

My daughter explained that the giant accidentally put his feet through the trains and ended up skating. The people on the train were thrilled.

Note to VIA Rail: I can't afford to take the train anymore, I assume due to the price of gas. Smarten up and become giant powered already. Just be wary of those with athlete's foot. They should be cheaper trains.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 14, 2013

Everyday I ask my daughter what she thought the day's note in her lunch means. This one she explained was that the caterpillar didn't couldn't eat the sweater (perhaps an allergy to acrylic yarns, or more likely just the caterpillar is a pretentious dick). So instead it just drank wine all night. Doesn't help that he's an angry drunk. If you cross him that larva will fuck you up after a Bordeaux bender.  

Lunchroom Larfs- November 13, 2013

You should see the turtle that moved to a condo.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 12, 2013

The tuba couldn't be the trumpets mother. Everyone knows brass instruments only give blow jobs. Rim shot please!

Lunchroom Larfs- November 11, 2013

This picture is proof that the moon landing was faked. Of sure Apollo 11 attempted to get there, but was swatted out of the sky.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 1, 2013

Solve for x: If car is to man's penis size, then cat is to witches x.

The answer is wand size.

Lunchroom Larfs- October 31, 2013

I was concerned that this one was a little too dark for the kids. When I asked my daughter what it was about, she said the two pumpkins were scared because the whipped cream was squirting out all by itself. So instead of homicide the kids saw poltergeists.

Lunchroom Larfs- October 30, 2013

This one is a bit of an illusion. If you turn the picture upside down it's the same either way. Go ahead and try it... Okay, so now you've either driven yourself crazy trying to turn it upside down on your phone only to have it right itself again or you've broken your desktop or laptop. Now go pay attention to something other than a screen for a minute.

Lunchroom Larfs- October 29, 2013

The teeth are giggling so much because they aren't used to the sensation on being brushed. Shortly after this flossing happens and they start screaming as blood flows around them from the gums. It's like "The Shining" for molars.

Lunchroom Larfs- October 28, 2013

It was my daughter's birthday weekend, so this is another birthday themed cartoon. As you can see most of the blowfish have strong opinions of their servitude to the octopus, but only the one who seems apathetic about the whole thing (far right) appears to be making a move to escape. He will succeed, the others will be tied to a chair until they slowly deflate leaving rubbery casings on the floor that the dog will choke on. I know right? An octopus with a pet dog? But that my friends is another story for another night.

Lunchroom Larfs- October 25, 2013

Today was my daughter's birthday. The tired but happy baking monkey mirrors how I felt by the end of the day.

Lunchroon Larfs- October 24, 2013

Rudolf was not only the most famous reindeer of all, but he was also the perfect height to dry clothes on. He has a classic Flintstones "It's a living face" on.

Don't feel badly for him though, he gets his revenge on the next foggy Christmas Eve he steers Santa and the rest of the team into a transformer which results in cooked venison raining down in the neighborhood of Cherry Hill in Baltimore. The good news: Christmas dinner is saved for many families in that depressed area.  

Lunchroom Larfs- October 22, 2013

The kids and my wife didn't get this one. Obviously, the vampire is hungry because it is winter and everyone is wearing turtlenecks and scarves. I mean really, when in any movie have you seen a vampire bite through clothing? Never. Sure their teeth can pierce through skin to get to a vein, but not through such as the impenetrable Patons Classic Merino used on the bespectacled man's sweater.

The kids at school though the vampire had missed lunch and was too shy to ask if there was anything left over for him to eat. Always over polite that Nosferatu.

Lunchroom Larfs- October 21, 2013

Although this seems like an accident, Peter had very carefully studied his roommate's schedule and determined when it would be most likely that Bernadette would be getting dressed in the morning. They would laugh over this at their 40th anniversary together over a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne.

Side Note: My wife was worried that this one was a little too risque for my daughter and her friends. I pointed out that the banana walking through the door did not have a boner, nor did the lady banana have a vibrator, so it would be fine.

For The Record: The kids thought the lady banana was shivering because she was cold and didn't read anything into the other banana walking through the door.

Lunchroom Larfs- October 18, 2013

Okay, no excuses. I got drunk last night with my wife and forgot until midnight to do a cartoon for my daughter's lunch. That also explains why I forgot to turn the flash on the camera and you can see the shadow of my hand.

Lunchroom Larfs- October 17, 2013

The dentist isn't nervous about working on a shark. He is dreading telling the shark the new caps he just had put in are not covered by his insurance. The shark will insist on paying in installments, which will not, as the dentist tells his receptionist, "get my son's law school tuition in on time".

Lunchroom Larfs- October 16, 2013

Later in the day the giraffe will look in the mirror and try to reassure himself that the haircut was, "pretty good for six dollars".

Lunchroom Larfs- October 15, 2013

It is the middle of October, which means that knitters everywhere are freaking out about what they will knit for relatives and whether they will have time to complete the projects by Christmas.

This octopus has stayed up all night to complete a sweater for her sister-in-law. The truth is the sister-in-law really only wanted the new Stephen King book, and will fain excitement when she opens her gift. The sweater will be put on when opened and worn for the day until it is taken off and thrown in the back of a closet. Years later she will bring a bag of clothes to her sister-in-law being that she is quite well off as her husband is a successful architect, and had no need for many of her old clothes. She will pull it out of the bag and say, "Oh dear, I didn't realize this dreadful thing was in there. I'll just go ahead and throw it out." The knitting octopus will remember how hard she worked on this sweater but will say nothing. She will also never hand make a gift again. Instead opting for gift certificates to Home Sense. Many of her other relatives who loved and felt special receiving handmade gifts will be disappointed and wonder what they did to upset the knitting octopus. Family reunions will forever be awkward because of one stuck up octopus, who ended up leaving the architect for a squid in advertising anyway. 

Lunchroom Larfs- October 14, 2013

I wonder if on some days Jim Henson felt like this? I mean the Children's Television Workshop was probably a fine place to work, but I'm sure there were bad days when executives tried to make him do certain things for ratings like having Zero Mostel host.

The kids didn't really "get" this one. I think it's obvious, only those sock puppets who have completed their apprenticeship are given arms and then get to stick their new hands up the arse of another sock puppet to make him do their bidding. 

Lunchroom Larfs- October 9, 2013

Those apples are full of razor blades... which kids in Monsterland love!

Lunchroom Larfs- October 8, 2013

The sheep on the right suffers from Alopecia universalis, and will soon suffer from fratricide. The mother sheep will suffer from a lack of Mother's Day cards.

Lunchroom Larfs- October 7, 2013

It's like "Lady and the Tramp" except the spaghetti is horrified.

If you look close, the worm in the middle of the plate has a serene look on his face. He understands that his time had come. He has lead a good life, been a good father, husband and soil aerator. The other worms are cowards and are afraid to meet whatever comes in the afterlife and perhaps have to answer and justify their wasted lives. Forever they will be stuck in invertebrate purgatory. 

Lunchroom Larfs- October 4, 2013

All this cartoon did was remind my daughter that she isn't allowed to have peanut butter sandwiches at school because some kid that should have been taken out due to selection made it this far.

She also said the jellyfish in the sandwich was a friend of the horrified jellyfish and not a family member.

Notice, how I tried to make the sea turtle look realistic, then just said fuck it over the jellyfish.

Lunchroom Larfs- October 3, 2013

My wife always thought narwhals were fictional creatures until I showed her some pictures. It's understandable as they are super weird creatures, what with their love of roasted marshmallows and all.

The little penguin reminds me of when I was a kid watching my next door neighbors swim in their pool. I would stand on the other side of the fence pretending like I had something important to do there hoping, just hoping they would invite me over for a swim. Come one, just give the little guy a marshmallow, even if it's burnt, he doesn't care! He just wants to be loved!

Note: I was going to use unicorns instead of narwhals, but then I realized with their short horns they would surely melt their faces off trying for a tasty smoky treat. I suspect that's why there are no more unicorns today. Their love of corn syrup and gelatin.

Lunchroom Larfs- October 2, 2013

Somehow the snail has overtaken the snail, planted his country's flag upon it's back and made the turtle a slave. Hence why the turtle looks so worried and upset.

Lunchroom Larfs- October 1, 2013

Another cartoon my daughter and her classmates didn't get. I think she is tired of trying to explain what my idea of the joke is and asked me to write on it, "Two dogs got tangled up and are barking at each other."

She also commented that the cat was out for a walk and went to a place that is supposed to be a dog free zone only to find this. I assume this would be a cat's worst nightmare, a two headed angry dog that looks like yarn. "Do I bat it around or run away?"

Lunchroom Larfs- September 30, 2013

Like all five-year-olds my daughter is obsessed with mermaids. When I asked her what her thoughts were on this cartoon, she said she thought the mermaid and the fish exchanged bottoms. But which, I ask, has the siren song to lure sailors to their death?