Lunchroom Larfs- January 31, 2014

Not only did the sloth drive incredibly slow, but he also drove right in the centre of the road preventing anyone from passing. It just goes to prove my theory that sloths are real assholes.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 30, 2014

This cartoon was based on a drawing my daughter gave me of a tree eating it's own apples. I've included the original below. I assume that to other trees it would be like watching someone pick their nose and eat it.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 29, 2014

Miss Boots is busily knitting a sack to drown her kittens in. She hasn't been thinking straight since she caught Mister Meowgi in the litter box with his secretary, Ms. Jinx. Noodles, Attila, Pansy, and Fluffernutter would be a small price to pay to clearly show how hurt and angry she was.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 28, 2014

Yup, this is the reboot of "Lost". Hell, it's just as plausible as that fucking man eating island in "Life Of Pi".

Lunchroom Larfs- January 27, 2014

My daughter told me the elephant was trying to hide the fact that he forgot his bugle and hoped no one noticed.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 23, 2014

After doing a penguin and a panda Francois thought his new piece would be his crowning achievement. The New Yorker decried it as derivative and cliche.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 22, 2014

The lobster took great care to do a good job with this regular customer. He had driven many customers away because he wouldn't shut up about how his cousin Irv was in the film Annie Hall.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 21, 2014

It didn't matter that the ring wouldn't go on the webbed finger. The marriage was annulled weeks later due to the groom never having been baptized. He later committed suicide by jumping down the throat of a patron at french restaurant. That patron got salmonella.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 20, 2014

All the children died come March.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 17, 2014

At that moment Bill deeply regretted the privacy hedge he planted and nurtured for a decade as it would surely muffle his blood soaked screams for help. Also his neighbor is a dick who constantly plays Macklemore so loud he would never hear Bill anyway.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 16, 2014

Unsurprisingly, like all the jocks I knew in high school, these dinosaurs have walnut sized brains, as is their testicles due to all the steroids. I cannot comment on high school jock testicles as I never showered after gym for fear of towel snapping and nuclear wedgies.

"He who wears the 'Weird Al' t-shirt at school should avoid locker rooms."
- Confucius

Lunchroom Larfs- January 15, 2014

Grass is notorious for never looking behind them, especially when they are attending a Neil Diamond as they are here.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 14, 2014

On one hand they could go to the police to report the torture and slow death of their friend over the past few weeks. After all they knew who the culprit was, but the uncomfortable question as to why they had waited so long to call would inevitably be raised. Truth is they didn't like Frank and thought it was pretty funny.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 13, 2014

The price of celebrity for Waldo was huge. "I bet this sort of thing never happens to that bitch Carmen Sandiego." he thought, "Perhaps it would have been better had I used stayed home collecting disability benefits for my leg after that lathe accident rather than getting into show biz."

Lunchroom Larfs- January 10, 2014

The worst part isn't that the hippo takes up so much room in the elevator, or even the fact that he presses the wrong button every day because his giant paw mashes a number of buttons at once, it's really because he is so uninformed around the office. He arrives unprepared for meetings and always blames his assistant the egret for not briefing him beforehand. Everyone knows the bird is an excellent assistant and only tolerates being a scapegoat because his partner has five pale blue eggs about to hatch any day now at home.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 9, 2014

The only reason the porcupine is invited to the party is to act as an hors d'oeuvre tray. The only reason any of the other animals come to the party is because of the excellent food Crab serves. The food is the only thing that makes the crab's rambling endless stories of visiting Egypt bearable. I mean for Christ sake, it was six years ago now. I guess since the divorce and losing the kids he has so little to talk about.

My daughter put this much more plainly. The porcupine is the armadillo's servant and goes with him everywhere.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 8, 2014

My daughter says the ice will break and she and the fish will fall to the bottom and get entangled in the weeds.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 7, 2014

Two notes:
1. The ice cubes are skinny dipping
2. They are blissfully unaware that their demise is imminent due to either melting or being crunched to death between the teeth of a fidgety woman on an awkward first date.

Lunchroom Larfs- January 6, 2014

And this is me butchering the style of Picasso and da Vinci. Although it's interesting the Picasso real life people think in terms of regular looking hands when giving thumbs up and down.