Lunchroom Larfs- May 30, 2014

Always a polite guest, the robot dutifully finished his plate of batteries, knowing full well that 9 volt batteries are incompatible with his processing unit. As a result, all night long he downloaded into the toilet.

Lunchroom Larfs- May 29, 2014

After carefully counting out his coins the leprechaun remembered he needed change for the laundry mat and wrote a personal cheque, thus infuriating the woman behind him in line. 

Lunchroom Larfs- May 28, 2014

Shortly after this the rattlesnake renounced his Buddhist beliefs and bit the child's father. Why the father? Well, you don't make that big a 180 degree change in a day. It's a baby you sick fucks.

Lunchroom Larfs- May 27, 2014

The real animals are not confused by the Muppet versions of their species, they are more perplexed as to why Disney hasn't sued the company that created these obvious knock-offs for copyright infringement. I mean really, look at that Miss Piggy. Who do they think they are fooling?

Lunchroom Larfs- May 26, 2014

Sure this little caterpillar looks peacefully asleep, but she just got finished with a two-hour bout of restless leg syndrome that shook the house knocking pictures off the walls and frightening the aphids that are kept as house pets.

Lunchroom Larfs- May 23, 2014

The snail's first clue should have been the sign reading, "You must be at least this tall to fit in my beak".

Lunchroom Larfs- May 22, 2014

Due to sharks being composed mostly of flexible cartilage they are excellent at making funny faces. That and the scientific fact that sharks are complete dicks.

Lunchroom Larfs- May 21, 2014

Three people and one disabled dog died in the accident that resulted in that car having to be towed away. Also, the father develops severe Sciatica.

Lunchroom Larfs- May 20, 2014

Finding the snake a nice warm place to live in the winter, the mouse decided to stay. Only when he threw a housewarming party and invited 50 of his brothers and sisters did he see the folly of his new home as the snake split right down the sternum.

Lunchroom Larfs- May 16, 2014

The giant was revered by the townsfolk. After all he had moved the mountains to create their idyllic little village that felt as though they were in their own world, unstained by today’s hustle and bustle of technology and material need. Not to mention the time using his massive lungs he detoured a terrifyingly destructive tornado away from the village. The only real drawback was the giant’s steadfast refusal to admit he was unable to digest seafood properly. Frankly there isn’t a lot of air circulation in a mountain base village.

Lunchroom Larfs- May 15, 2014

It’s okay, the white milk cow gets the last laugh over the chocolate milk cow. All those kids get diabetes.

Lunchroom Larfs- May 14, 2014

Fuck the history books. Yes, dinosaurs, elephants and canaries existed in the same era. Next you’ll tell me prehistoric birds didn’t act as Victrolas for early man.

Lunchroom Larfs- May 12, 2014

After defeating the Wicked Witch of the West, the Wizard of Oz contracts Johnny the Plaid Arborist to remove the Fighting Trees from the banks of the Munchkin River. Now Johnny is a seasoned arborist, but since last year’s run in with some trees in Tennessee while under contract by an Ashley J. “Ash” Williams, he’s a wee bit skittish around sentient plant life. This was his first gig since being on leave after that job for 13 months. Let’s just hope this experience doesn’t put him off of his next gig at Mushnik’s Flower Shop in New York’s slums.

- this Lunchroom Larf is brought to you by "nerdy references".

Lunchroom Larfs- May 9, 2014

Before long everyone was copying the kernels new and exciting fashion. But like all sudden rises soon the others scorned the original for her found celebrity. It wasn't long before the popcorn was attending parties for money and eventually was found stale crammed in between the couch cushions.

Lunchroom Larfs- May 9, 2014

Lunchroom Larfs- May 8, 2014

The alligator was a diabetic, but he still managed to use his amazing baking abilities to meet his goals.

Lunchroom Larfs- May 7, 2014

The irony is that Hanson's first car was a Dodge Viper and it was eaten by beetles. And now here was his Volkswagon...

Lunchroom Larfs- May 6, 2014

The others kept telling Ted to sleep in. After all everyone knows "The early bird always catches the worm". That's why worms are notoriously late sleepers. That and they are usually hungover.

Lunchroom Larfs- May 5, 2014

Each dog truly thought he had something special with the hydrant. Truth be told, the hydrant was a bit of a floozy and had seen hundreds if not thousands of dog penises over the years. Not to mention that year in College where she experimented with bitches.

Lunchroom Larfs- May 2, 2014

It wasn't just that his place was small, but that was always a convenient reason to put off a visit from his slug cousins. Fact is they were louts who couldn't even wipe their slime off at the door before coming in. Plus they were always just dropping by unannounced.

Lunchroom Larfs- May 1, 2014

Roommates, Jim and Trevor could find anything to bicker over. However, the third roomie Mr. Nibbles was often given a pass. Due to this Mr. Nibbles rarely chipped in for utilities, though he easily ran the air conditioner more than the other two combined.