I̶'̶m̶ ̶a̶ ̶r̶e̶c̶e̶n̶t̶ I was a stay-at-home dad. Sarcasm is my crutch and cynicism my wheelchair. Lunchroom Larfs are cute/silly notes I put in my daughter's lunch everyday. Each night I write a disturbing caption to make them palatable to cynical adults such as myself.
Friday, October 30, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 30, 2015
Three days later a cat and a dog got in there and messed up the skeleton's rib cage something awful. From that point on he just plugged up his eye and nose holes and carried a Tetra fish around.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 29, 2015
The pumpkin skull joined the countless skulls of acorn squash, butternut squash, spaghetti squash and zucchinis in the towering pile in Amber's backyard.
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 27, 2015
Worse than the high water bill due to this performance was the cost of royalties to the estate of Arthur Freed for singing the lyrics. Oh, and the structural water damage to ceiling downstairs.
Monday, October 26, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 26, 2015
As a child the cake's mother used to lecture him about finishing his plate. As an adult he will eat one shoe for it's fiber, but he'll be damned if he's gonna eat two of those disgusting things.
Friday, October 23, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 23, 2015
Much like when Superman turned back time, in the movie Superman: The Movie, time was reversed by this act back the point in World War II, where Harry S. Trueman throws his bow tie at Hitler vanquishing him to the Phantom Zone.
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 21, 2015
Growing up without parents was hard for little Medusa. She was withdrawn and didn't make many friends, but everyone no one debated when she would win the best landscaping for her beautiful front yard year after year.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 20, 2015
Even worse than losing all his skin that plunger never came off Edwin's skull. All the other kids called him "the skinless shit head". Though at Halloween when the school toilet was plugged up and the great decoration famine plagued the Midwest Edwin was considered a hero for many reasons.
Friday, October 16, 2015
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 15, 2015
Thankfully no one else bothered to attend a hoedown during the say, so Katie quickly put up a poster for Boys II Men and never spoke of Silvia again. Oddly, no one else did either. Everyone hated Silvia.
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 14, 2015
The fish then attracted the cats, who attracted the wolf cubs, which attracted the grizzly bear which was attracted to the girl. After a few months they moved into a den together and raised their own cubs. The girls friends said she gave up what was sure to be a successful career in dance to be a Mamma Bear. Others said she wasn't that great of a dancer anyway.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 13, 2015
It went pretty well, until the cat needed to use the litter box. And even that wasn't the rough part, it was when the cat tried to bury it's scat. John didn't get the adoring looks he desperately longed for that day, only an infection and stitches on his forehead.
Friday, October 9, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 9, 2015
Jimmy was always falling into holes. The next time he fell into working well, but the water snakes were too slippery to tie together. After eating as many as he could, he was saved 15 minutes after falling in.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 8, 2015
When Agnes went to the ocean the sperm whales did the same thing due to her perfume made of ambergris.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 7, 2015
You don't want to know what these dogs did when they found out about Alamo attacker Santa Anna's leg at the Illinois State Military Museum
Monday, October 5, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 5, 2015
That's right, when it rains those puddles you step in are thousands of little dead raindrops. YOU MONSTER!
Friday, October 2, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 2, 2015
Later glass was filled up with mescalin. He then killed a prostitute after hallucinating she was a bendy straw.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Lunchroom Larfs- October 1, 2015
The man was just lucky he put the ghost on the way way he did. Had that ghost been backwards, the baby's mess would have just come out the mouth hole. And that would have been bad for everyone.
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