Lunchroom Larfs- November 28, 2014

After having been together their whole lives the two halves of bagel split up to evade their chaser. In the chaos they never found one another again. One half met and married a lovely baguette, while the other met an emotionally needy and fragile crepe. They became so co-dependent they never left the safety of the breadbox without one another. They sickened their friends to the point that they never had visitors anymore and died in each other arms after mold completely ravaged their bodies. Mold of course being cancer to food.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 27, 2014

The human boxer need not to have been so worried. The squid was not merely known for having a "glass jaw", but known for having no jaw at all. One connecting hit and the squid would literally turn to jelly in the ring. 

Lunchroom Larfs- November 26, 2014

The skeleton was quite shocked to hear that he had Osteoporosis. Though he was understandably upset by this news, he was more aggravated by his doctor who kept laughing and saying, "It's ironic isn't it? You know, since you are all bone!"

Mostly he was aggravated by his doctor's lack of understanding as to the definition of "irony".

Lunchroom Larfs- November 25, 2014

Although she escaped the wolf, the prolonged skin contact with the capsaicin in the hot sauce irritated her eyes and gave her terrible burns over 3/4 of her body.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 24, 2014

The tourists did not sit well with the Mountain and he ended up vomiting them and the entire contents of his stomach. This is what science-type people call a volcanic eruption... There you just learned science.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 21, 2014

The rat made a fortune off the mole's disability. With this success he opened an animal optician office, that specialized in contact lens for flies and other insects with compound eyes. At $30 for 30 lens and a fly having 4,000 lens per eye he would bring in at least $8,000 per customer visit.

The rat wanted for nothing he owned sports cars, multiple houses, swimming pools, sports teams (Ottawa Rats Hockey Team) and much much more. That was until the day a female rat showed up with her 313 offspring that she could prove was his after a wild one year fling in a Havana Smoke Shop dumpster.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 17, 2014

The tree had Ebola, and now so does the man.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 13, 2014

The prince wasn't shocked in a bad way. In fact the only reason he was climbing the wall for a princess in the first place was that he was expected to. If he didn't pursue a princess he would have been cast out of the kingdom. Truth is he was a Chicken looking for an Auntie the whole time, and was thrilled with the discovery.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 12, 2014

The Vampire Tooth Fairy had a difficult job. In addition to the obvious workplace hazards, when it rained her suit would seize up and she would fall from the sky. That usually meant at least three weeks of time off to get better. The fairy union had a lousy benefit package so there was no income either. That often led to Tooth Fairies getting into the drug trade. Once in, most fairies did not return to tooth collecting, other then from their meth clients.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 11, 2014

The swimmer then went to his lawyer in order to file a class action lawsuit against the sun, the cloud and his neighbor, the owner of the pool. Upon arriving at his lawyer's office he realized that due to how quickly the temperature went below freezing, he was for some reason the only person left alive on earth. he spend the rest of his life eating ice cream, the only food readily available until he died in his sleep suffocating on his own neck fat.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 10, 2013

As further insult the man let his pet kitten play with the string in front of the Frankenstein monster's head. Then like all cats around decaying things, little Mr. Muffins ate his face.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 5, 2014

It's always odd to watch a cookie eating a living thing. Funny yes, but also odd.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 4, 2014

Everyone should remember that there is a pile of unused body parts at the corner of Rideau and First Streets. You know, in case you are in need.

Lunchroom Larfs- November 3, 2014

The worst part of burning a Stick Man (apart from the screaming that is), is that he burns so quickly. You have to go through a number of stick men to roast a marshmallow. And that's why the Stick Man is an endangered culture.