Lunchroom Larfs- June 25, 2015

The school settled in for an well earned 10 week rest. Only hours after falling into a deep sleep she was startled awake by workers crawling all over her face to repair the roof. This waking nightmare haunted the school for years.

Lunchroom Larfs- June 22, 2015

An awkward scene followed when spoon and Mug realized they were the only ones not wearing bathing suits. They had honestly thought the cupboard culture was way more progressive than it actually was.

Lunchroom Larfs- June 19, 2015

The shock waves from the giant flyswatter hitting the side of the Empire State building killed everyone on floors 28 through 31. Sadly, Fay Wray was one of those people. Without the beauty to tame the beast, King Kong continues his rein of terror to this day. Currently New York is deserted and consists of squashed buildings, 400 ton piles of banana peels (the bananas were put there by the residents of New Jersey as an offering to spare them), and of course giant gorilla shit.

As a side note, even King Kong had no desire to visit Jersey.

Lunchroom Larfs- June 18, 2015

Later a hobo broke up the "H" and the "N" to start a fire to warm his weary cold bones. The exclamation point came in handy to bludgeon a rival hobo who tried to steal his bindle stick. That evening the hobo curled up under the word balloon and fell asleep warmer and cosier than he has in years.

Lunchroom Larfs- June 17, 2015

Once the sharks arrived, Francis wished he had yelled something like, "OH GOD, PLEASE HELP ME GET OUT OF THIS TERRIBLE SITUATION!" because then he could have gotten his entire body up out of the water. The "Arrggghhh" after his legs were chewed off was of little help at that point.

Lunchroom Larfs- June 16, 2015

The true hero of this story is the table, who managed not to scream in pain. Especially when you realize that the bottom of the south most leg is where it's genitals are located.

Lunchroom Larfs- June 15, 2015

It's okay, when the plane was new, the giant played with it for hours. The next day however, he completely lost interest, leaving it tucked behind the mountain. After a few days the passengers and crew deemed it safe to leave and quietly and swiftly sneaked to the nearest town. They had only eaten three of their fellow passengers during that time. Not for lack of food, but come on, airline food is terrible. Am I right, people?

Lunchroom Larfs- June 12, 2015

Without his stripes to confuse predators the zebra was immediately attacked and devoured by a tiger. And that is how the tiger got his stripes. He just picked them up and took them.

Lunchroom Larfs- June 10, 2015

The giraffe is just lucky he picked on the monkey that dropped out of Boy Scouts early. Had he teased the monkey's cousin, Bobo, who stayed in Rover Scouts until he was 20 it would have been worse. Bobo could do stevedore knots which would have resulted in the giraffe's head being bound to it's own ass.

Lunchroom Larfs- June 9, 2015

This wasn't the first time Dr. Hubble got into hot water over putting a little prick in someone's mouth. Ifyouknowwhatimean.

Lunchroom Larfs- June 8, 2015

Superman was  notoriously frightened of going to the dentist. Dr. Hubble, being a wily doctor draped the lead x-ray vest over his head before starting. Also he filled in the cavity with a trace amount of Kryptonite, which gave Superman a nagging headache. Ain't no Tylenol that's gonna help Superman.

Lunchroom Larfs- June 5, 2015

This was an excruciating extraction, the hardest of the dentist's career thus far. And of course the cheque Plastic Man used to pay with bounced. 

Lunchroom Larfs- June 4, 2015

The ogre sued Orkin as he had just spent a small fortune to have his home fumigated for fairies. The kicker was he had to stay out his house for 3 days while the work was being done. He was forced to stay with his overbearing Aunt Edith who kept calling him "Jolly Green Giant" as he was not nearly mean enough to be an ogre in her books.

Lunchroom Larfs- June 3, 2015

When Ms. Dumpty found out she immediately claimed that Humpty had never loved their children, and it seemed awfully convenient that such an accident would happen right after they had an argument about finances that centered around providing for their little egglets. 

She had gone to bed weighing her options and just before falling into a fitful sleep decided that she would go to the police in the morning. The morning never came for Ms. Dumpty. Only a stack of banana pancakes were found at their house. It was deemed a murder suicide, but a few still believe Humpty Dumpty is out there very carefully riding the rails across the country as we speak. 

Lunchroom Larfs- June 2, 2015

The campfire was ruined after one of the ants dropped their marshmallow on the ground and ants from miles around swarmed them.

Lunchroom Larfs- June 1, 2015

This selfish act of Ruthie Joad, the girl on the bicycle, kick started the great Oklahoma drought and forced her family to flee to California to try and eke out a meager living. Trust me, I've read Grapes of Wrath, it's all in there.