Lunchroom Larfs- September 30, 2015

Ketchup and Apple Sauce grew old together in the back of the fridge until after fooling around with Salsa, Ketchup gave apple sauce a case of the crusts on her lid. Though they stayed in the same fridge and made the best of it, Chutney had it worst as she had to listen day after day as each one bitterly complained about the other.

Lunchroom Larfs- September 28, 2015

The fire alarm was a braggart and took ever opportunity to show up Telephone. Then in 1984 poor rotary phone was deemed obsolete and sold for a nickle at a yard sale. Fire alarm soon missed old rotary phone when brash young touch tone showed up with his musical ring, and ability to clunkily play popular music of the day.

Lunchroom Larfs- September 25, 2015

The cashier would have none of it, until the bear ate the racoon, pointed at the cashier and growled, "You're next, asshat"

Lunchroom Larfs- September 24, 2015

From that day on William Tell's son refused to eat or even be in the same room as fresh produce. The irony is that once the convolutions and fever set in he begged his father to put him out of his misery caused by the scurvy.

Lunchroom Larfs- September 23, 2015

Benjamin then shoved his hands deep into his pockets and sadly walked to his work as a piano instructor. That's right, he house trained pianos and kept them from jumping up on visitors.

Lunchroom Larfs- September 22, 2015

Their baby ice cube was later picked up by Child Services and adopted by an elderly Italian couple who accidentally made him into a Hazelnut Italian soda.

Lunchroom Larfs- September 21, 2015

The captain realized at that moment his cousin from the planet Bidet was not kidding around abut his visit to Earth years ago.

Lunchroom Larfs- September 17, 2015

Plugging in that old hairdryer shorted out all the power in the Russian Druzhnaya 4 research base, who in turned played nicky-nicky-nine doors (ding-dong ditch for you Americans) on the Ukrainian Vernadsky Research Base. Later all researchers from both bases were found dead, their tongues frozen to flag poles after double dog daring one another to do it.

Lunchroom Larfs- September 16, 2015

It was when the the bacon jumped from the fridge and squealed right out the door that Abe called his therapist, an exorcist and his haberdasher.

Lunchroom Larfs- September 15, 2015

Arnie should just be thankful that the order was closer to being correct this time, over when he received all those fish bowels in his mailbox that time.

Lunchroom Larfs- September 14, 2015

And that's how Jonathan gave his girlfriend ticks.

Lunchroom Larfs- September 11, 2015

The driver didn't notice the accident until they had reached the Grand Canyon 300 kilometers away (or 1,400 leagues for you Americans). He covered it up by throwing all the stick bodies into the canyon. To this day, just outside of Las Vegas, you can still hear the body-less heads playing license plate bingo.

Lunchroom Larfs- September 10, 2015

Dracula and Nosferatu almost caught that bloodmobile, but just as they grabbed the bumper to pull themselves up, a transport truck shipping crosses and garlic overturned in front of them. The Elder Vampires still talk about the one that got away. The young vampires have noticed that the truck has gotten bigger and bigger with each telling over the years.

Lunchroom Larfs- September 9, 2015

You think the people on the ground had it bad? The widow McIntyre, in the apartment on the 87th floor, had a similarly shaped thing crash through her window. The more she tried to push it back out, the further into her apartment it went.

Lunchroom Larfs- September 8, 2015

And of course after hibernating all summer, the school house greedily satiated himself on all those delicious children. Later he passed the indigestible bones and Beanie Boo eyes into the soccer field, you know where all those sunflowers grow now.