Lunchroom Larfs- April 30, 2014

Today's Larf was commissioned by my eldest daughter's teacher. They started working on fractions and she asked for a note that was related to the subject. It was either this or a cartoon about the Indonesian culinary dish of monkey brains.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 29, 2014

Day after day and week after week the two giraffes chatted in the elevator. In those brief daily encounters between the first and fifth floors they shared good days and bad, triumphs and heartbreak. Though it snuck up on them, they found they had fallen head over heels for each other. It wasn't long before they couldn't tell whose back legs were whose in the elevator, and even more importantly, they didn't care.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 28, 2014

Being the biggest thing on earth didn't lend itself to making a lot of friends in the ocean. Those aquatic animals that braved meeting the Blue Whale were met with the most generous and charming fellow the sea could offer. It was these few friends that helped the big guy from beaching himself year after year.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 25, 2014

Every store suspected the pelican to be shoplifting and his throat pouch was regularly searched before being issued a sincere apology and sent on his way. It only made the tomato soup smuggled out in his ass taste all the better.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 24, 2014

It wasn't so much the pain of exploding that the fireworks feared, it was all those small children clapping and laughing as it happened.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 23, 2014

After realizing the mistake the snowman's head was returned. However, so much of his head had been licked off he could barely function day to day let alone continue to be the world's foremost snowman expert on string theory.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 22, 2014

The Easter chick was of course rejected straight away by the mama bird and kicked out of the nest. The chick was almost immediately eaten by a fox. The story has a happy ending though, the chick got caught in the fox's throat and the fox died choking on it's own vomit, and a little of the chick's vomit too.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 17, 2014

All the Hector the Ghost wanted was take a day off and stay home in bed to get over his terrible cold. However, he had maxed out his sick days and couldn't find anyone to cover for him. Honestly it was his own fault, most of the sick days he had taken were to play Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon. He had bought it thinking it was about his demographic, but even though it wasn't about specters found the game play memorable and a thoroughly entertaining experience.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 16, 2014

The shoe salesman wasn't particularly afraid of spiders, even a giant tarantula such as his patron. He was more concerned as his ex wife recently threatened legal action if his alimony cheques weren't received by month's end and his rent was now two months overdue and the landlord threatening to seek eviction. If he could just talk this customer into buying four pairs of Christian Louboutin shoes, the commission alone would put him back ahead of the game. He must not fuck this sale up. Little did he know the tarantula had no intention of buying any shoes and was just bored waiting for her friend at the DMV. Hell, she hadn't even brought her purse.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 15, 2014

The frog survived the harrowing experience only after the fly dropped him off at an intercity playground, where firecrackers were shoved down his throat and set off. The fly had been planning just this revenge after this very frog had eaten his fiance 12 hours previously. Of course with a lifespan of only 36 hours, this had provided ample time for the fly to plan out and execute his devious scheme.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 14, 2014

To most Slinkys this would be a simple run of the mill fall down the stairs, but not for accident prone Darren. At the bottom of the stairs Darren found one of his loops had been turned inside out. He would never again walk down stairs, alone or in pairs or make a slinkity sound. Instead he was thrown into the toy box and squashed flat by a half empty can of Tinker Toys.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 11, 2014

Confusing the words stigmata and stigmatism proved to be the reason why the potato's attempt to create a religious cult failed.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 10, 2014

The mermaid was so friendly and oblivious to the cries for help, that eventually the woman forgot about being partially devoured by a shark. The shark had long died from choking before she fessed up that she was in fact not a real mermaid. The mermaid finally understood why her new friend was always "too busy" to visit her underwater kingdom. The two remained friends until the woman died of blood loss two days later.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 9, 2014

The Balloon family loved when their old friends the Scissors visited. Even if every visit ended in tears over a dead child and heartfelt teary apologies from them. But hell, they always brought a nice bottle of wine and cleaned up after themselves.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 8, 2014

It really wasn't Henry's fault. After all, the hosts had been serving their God awful deviled eggs, that he suspected sat in the windowsill for several hours before being served. Besides, it's not like the rest of them smelt like roses or anything themselves!

Lunchroom Larfs- April 7, 2014

And with every drip, the stagnant dish water got a little stronger. Eventually it consumed enough drips to break free of it's sink bonds and leak into the cabinets beneath and create mold that made everyone in the house ill.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 4, 2014

This faux pas on behalf of the prospector, set the dominance of the Mars people as the leaders in our solar system in motion.  

Lunchroom Larfs- April 3, 2014

Though he was given the finest of care, there was little the physicians could do to help the melted snowman. In the end all they could do was freeze him. Though saving his life he was incapacitated as an unmoving ice man for the rest of his life. If only he had a "do not resuscitate" order, he would have avoided this "life", that in his opinion was in word only.

Lunchroom Larfs- April 2, 2014

Even though it was an accident, the first farmer was arrested for providing raw milk to the second farmer. It's all fun and games until someone is incarcerated due to a law that makes no sense. 

Lunchroom Larfs- April 1, 2014

Once darkness fell, Electric Eel lit the way home for Stingray and Crab. All three fell asleep exhausted from the day's activities. The clown fish remained alone, the stuck up little bitch that he was.